Celebrating 60 Years of Marriage, 2013

My parents married the day after Christmas in 1953 which was a convenience for their kids as they aged. I mean, what do you get for parents who are celebrating 50 to 60 years of mar,riage? I don't remember the gifts my brothers gave, but I think the best gift I gave them was an expensive meal ticket to one of the fancier restaurants in Lynchburg, Virginia. where they were living at the time. As kids, we just gave them silly gifts. (note to myself to remember the pear).

I'll have to go through my notes to understand why they chose that date for their wedding. I believe it was because dad was in the Air Force and he had limited leave. I learned a few interesting facts just this past year as I went through articles in papers at Newspapers.com...They were married at the Baptist Church in Clifton Forge, then had a reception at my mother's uncle's now-defunct restaurant just at the edge of town. Afterwards, they honeymooned in Williamsburg. Dad didn't have a dime left after all that hoopla. I think they rented a cabin in Williamsburg for $10 per night, because they owners felt for their circumstances. Dad was a born salesman.

My parents were always sweet to each other on their anniversaries. Mom would make dad a special meal, dad would have flowers for mom, and so on and so on. I'm sure I'll remember more about their anniversaries as I write, but the one that stands out for me the most was their last anniversary together. They celebrated their 60th anniversary togther on 26 December 2013. I managed to remember to get a notice and a photo together for the local newspaper in time, which was important to my mother. They also received a beautiful cake from their Sunday School class. I still have the brown butterfly topper, floating to the right in the photo. The butterflies weren't edible.

The anniversary I didn't note at all was the one where dad decided to finally bury mom. The only reason I noticed was when I went to my Facebook memories and saw the image of the gravesite. That image rocked me back on my heels, because I didn't understand why dad wanted to bury mom on such a cold day in December. It just didn't occur to me at all that that day would have marked their 63rd anniversary in 2017.

Mom was cremated and her cremains went into a beautiful urn that she picked out the day before she took to her bed to die. When we picked up the urn, it was in a box, and dad kept it in that box for almost a full year. My baby brother visited him at one point and said, "Dad, why don't you take her out of the box, man?" Dad looked puzzled and then laughed, from what I heard. He had forgotten she was there, but he didn't forget. It was like she was a Schrödinger's wife...there and not there.

So he took that beautiful urn out of the box, and two years later he told me he was ready to let her go. I think he was mulling over how much longer he was going to live, and he didn't want to put the pressure on me to get mom in the ground along with his cremains when the time came. So I called Tommy Slusser at Nicely's Funeral Home in Clifton Forge, and he agreed to meet up with us the day after Christmas to bury mom.

What we didn't know was that public works, which takes care of the cemetery, had the week off for the holidays. Tommy had dug the hole for mom's urn himself, and he didn't expect anything from us. Mom's stone was already laid, and all he did was dig a deep hole--with a shovel--for the urn right between mom's stone and where dad's stone would be. They were sharing one plot, and I do believe dad also ordered his stone that year and paid for it.

We went to visit dad's brother afterward, and I could tell that dad felt a great sense of relief after dealing with what, I'm sure, was one of the more difficult things he had to do in his life.

It was over. She was in the ground, finally, and he would join her two years after his death in 2022. My father donated his body to science in Richmond, and when they finished with him, they sent his cremains to Tommy. The timing was off to make his burial an anniversary thing--which I never even thought about, honestly--so I just did what I could do. They're together now, and the synchronicity of several years between death and burial for them both is enough for me.

My parents both are buried at Mountain View Cemetery in Clifton Forge. I'm still working on their Find A Grave memorials. You can find them at Joanne Elizabeth Eanes Goin and Robert Meredith Goin, Sr.

NOTE to self: I know I have a photo of mom and dad on their 60th. 

Also, found the newspaper clipping on 5 January 2014. I blurred out the section that listed names of the living. Of course, I'm an historian. I forgot to note the date, page, and column of this article, but I can tell you the mention was in the Lynchburg News and Advance. 

Mom's Last Christmas, 2013

A large poinsettia gifted to mom.

December 25th, 2013 would be my mother's last Christmas with us. None of us really knew this, but specialists diagnosed her cholangiocarcinoma that March, and after a failed "whipple" surgery (also known as a pancreaticoduodenectomy), they gave her three months to live.

Here it was, Christmas, and she was still going. Not strong--more like bullheaded. We let her sleep in, and we tried to keep the mood up, but mom probably was thinking this was her last Christmas, too. She was determined to make Christmas brunch, and it was delicious, but she was in a puckish mood.

She loved Christmas more than any other holiday. She made ceramics like the one of Mary on a donkey with Joseph leading her to try to find an inn for the night. She had ornaments gathered over the years, including some her parents used when she was young. When we were kids, we made a big deal out of going out "in the woods", mostly likely Huston's Farm in Davidsville, Pennsylvania, to chop down a tree. As my siblings and I aged into out teens, the folks went for a fake tree, but it was a big one.

By the time 2013 rolled around, the tree was the tiny one shown here. And, the gifts dwindled. But that tree skirt...she had that for years, and I think she made it herself. My daughter has it now. Mom and dad decorated the tree that year, and it was finished by the time my husband and I arrived for the holidays.

I don't remember if we had oyster stew for breakfast. That was a tradition mom carried through from her childhood. Her father would splurge on oysters and make the stew. I don't remember mom making it for us when we were kids, truly, but I do know she seemed to be drawn to it during the last few years of her life.

Can't have Christmas without cranberries in a can! That was a tradition, too. I don't know where it came from, but my daughter doesn't carry it on because her family members are picky eaters.

I still have those placemats and table runner, I think. I know I have the Fiestaware, which was our everyday plating. She didn't get out her special china she received when my parents married. I have all that as well. And, the Corningware. Part of me wants to hold on to it all, but my daughter doesn't want it, and my brothers have no children to pass it on to, so I imagine it's all going to end up on eBay at some point.

Ten years after her death, the letting go is getting easier. I have a lot of photos, and I hope they might be enough to relay a story of what our life was like to future generations. Because that's what all this story-telling is about. Purging for me, sharing for my grandsons when they're old enough to understand, and for others who are going through the same thing.

The furniture is gone. I donated it all to Habitat for Humanity. This table was solid wood, as were the chairs, and it was the dining room table that my siblings and I grew up with. Talk about difficult to let go...but at least I didn't have to let it go for another six years, when dad died in 2020.

Just trying to remember,

25 December 2024

The Cholangiocarcinoma Foundation's Candles for the Cure

On December 3rd, join the Cholangiocarcinoma Foundation in honoring those impacted by cholangiocarcinoma through their Candles for the Cure campaign. Each gift lights a virtual candle, symbolizing the person you honor while supporting critical research, providing resources, and offering hope to patients and families facing cholangiocarcinoma.

I ran a campaign for this organization for my birthday. The goal was $250, and I raised close to $300. People want to give if they know the organization is meaningful to you. No better person to help raise money than those who have received knowledge and learning support from this foundation.

Give what you can to Candles for the Cure. Together, we can brighten the path toward a cure.

A Bittersweet Story

Noor Ayesha, her husband, and daughter.

"The fight to save the life of a young Kitchener, Ont. woman has come to a sad end

"Noor Ayesha died Sunday after battling the rare and deadly cholangiocarcinoma, better known as bile duct cancer.

"The 26-year-old gave birth in February 2023, shortly after her Stage 4 diagnosis. Ayesha had hoped to extend her life so she could spend as much time as possible with her baby daughter. A drug, called Pemigatinib and sold under the brand name Pemazyre, was key to achieving that.

"As it wasn’t covered in Ontario, the community rallied to help cover the drug’s $15,000 per month price tag.

"Just last month, there was a breakthrough in the Ayesha’s fight for the cancer drug.

"The province finally decided to fund the Pemigatinib on a case-by-case basis.

'“This came from promising new, real-world evidence as well as patient and family advocacy that prompted the manufacturer to make a resubmission to the CDA-AMC for the treatment of Cholangiocarcinoma (CCA),” read a statement from Hannah Jensen, a spokesperson for the Minister of Health."

Read More: Kitchener, Ont. woman with incurable cancer dies, fight continues to get provincial funding for expensive drug treatment